I’m struggling.
At home all day with both kids, I suddenly have no idea what to do with myself. I wander aimlessly from room to room. I shuffle the dirty dishes around in the sink. I take an hour to make the bed, and I check my email over and over. When Simone asks me for something I say “Just a minute!” even though I’m not doing anything in the first place. I imagine the various horrific scenarios that could befall my children, and sob until I feel unpleasantly drunk.
I don’t know if it’s postpartum depression or my normal emotional issues, but I’m having a hard time.
In an effort to regain my motivation and happiness, I’ve been trying to take things one small practical step at a time. I’ve been decluttering and organizing, and I downloaded a few episodes of Behind the Blog and The Simple Mom Podcast and have been listening to them while I drive or do housework. It’s a nice way to feel encouraged amidst the constant company of small children. Anyone have favorite podcasts to share?
I’ll be taking a short break from blogging here until Monday (just didn’t want y’all to think something happened to me). I’ll probably still be around in comments, but I won’t be posting. I need a few days of quiet in order to gather my thoughts, spend time with my family, and catch up on some housework.
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Motivation to Move is a good life/inspirational podcast. One Extraordinary Marriage is an awesome podcast about marriage. And I love all the Quick and Dirty Tips podcasts.
Hang in there!
Aww, Cate, I’m so sorry.
I wish I could do something to help you.
Virtual hugs coming your way!
Cate – hope you are feeling more peaceful soon. You do great work here on your blog and I know in the other parts of your life as well – we readers benefit from your thoughtful looks at your life. I notice you are getting a great response from the decluttering post – I think that’s something we all struggle with. You are doing the right thing be tackling things a bit at a time, and giving yourself a break. Hope you have a great weekend with Jason and the kids.
Many cyber hugs and salutes to you!
This is so difficult. I’m sad to hear you’re going through this. It is great you are setting out to care for yourself. I wish there was something I could do to help out. Please let me know if you think of something that would be helpful. I’ll be thinking of you.
My favorite pod casts are all about blood born pathogens and literature lectures that are free on iTunes.
I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time. Just know that I’m always a text/phone call away and I empathize with your situation. Hopefully once Jason is out of school for the summer and you guys find lots of summery things to do, whatever is going on will slide out of the picture. If not, please don’t think you’re being silly by asking your doctor for a dosage adjustment or advice. Taking care of you needs to be number 1 priority, especially when raising children.
<3 you!!!
Oh, Cate, please hang in there. I can remember (in what seems like a fond haze now) how very challenging it is to have an infant and a toddler and to feel like this time is your forever time. Since you’ve been so open in sharing your history with depression I hope it doesn’t sound presumptuous of me to suggest that you might benefit from seeing your doctor to determine if your meds need a little adjustment. In your case I just don’t feel like this phase is something you can necessarily power through on your own, so I hope you feel supported in doing whatever you need to do to get back on stronger ground. Sending a big hug your way.
Oh, Cate, please hang in there. I so remember those days with an infant and a toddler and the challenges that period held. It’s so hard not to think it will be this way forever. I hope I’m not overstepping, but since you’ve been so candid in discussing your depression, I wonder if maybe your meds. need tweaking? Your body has been through a lot these past months, and I know from personal experience that can have an impact. I hope it helps to know so many of your readers are sending positive thoughts your way.
Cate, be kind to, and take care of yourself. Dont’ try to do too much, get plenty of rest, etc. and ditto what was said above- if it does seem to be postpartum depression, don’t
hesitate to get help from your doctor.
Sounds like you have postpartum OCD. Look it up. “I imagine the various horrific scenarios that could befall my children” is a typical of this. It is a more severe form of postpartum depression but treatable. I had this and had no clue until I mentioned it to my cousin who told me what it was. I took medication which relieved the symptoms. Be specific with your doctor and he/she will know what it is. Actually the symptoms completely stopped only when I stopped breastfeeding. Something to do with the hormones produced.
Hmm…I’d never heard of postpartum OCD; thank you for telling me about it. My symptoms don’t quite seem like “traditional” postpartum depression, so I’ve been a little bewildered. I will definitely give my midwife a call on Tuesday.
Cate, I had PPD with my oldest and became educated enough to teach new momma’s some helpful hints. If it is PPD, which it sounds like it could be, here’s a few things that might help:
*take B6 and B12′s as an extra measure
*rest when your littles rest
*do things that help you feel good, like taking a walk in the sunshine or soaking in a warm tub while dad is with the littles
*eat a diet as whole as possible – watch the carbs as they bring you up then let you down
*find someone to talk with – another mom, a relative who will let you talk, a support group or counsellor
*be kind to yourself and give yourself small tasks to do – wash the dishes or do a load of laundry and celebrate that accomplishment – small tasks, small baby steps will get you back to feeling whole again
*start a journal or use your blog to write down one wonderful thing about each day
Hope you feel better soon. Know you are not alone in this journey.
Justice
I’m so sorry. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but if you’re looking for a podcast we love, love, love This American Life.