How to Write a Lovely Thank-You Note

Call me old fashioned, but I love writing thank-you notes. Even when I’ve already thanked someone in person or by phone, I try to send out a sweet little note as soon as possible. It’s a nice gesture and it somehow makes the thank-you feel a little more “real.”

I won’t pretend that every last one of my thank-you notes is a work of art, but I’ve gotten pretty accomplished at writing good ones. Here are some of my favorite tips:

1. Use Nice Stationery. I buy my thank-you cards at Target, of all places, in packs of 50. They have cute, sophisticated designs and are reasonably priced. On rare occasions when I don’t have a specific thank-you card on hand, I use a creamy piece of writing paper (Moleskine notebooks are great for this) in a nice envelope, which looks better than loose-leaf and one of those security envelopes. Your stationery is the first thing the recipient will see upon receiving your card, and a little flair doesn’t hurt.

2. Don’t Start With “Thank You.” I do break this rule on occasion, but I really try not to start my note with something like “Thank you for the…” because it always feels fake to me, like a kid being forced to write to Grandma. I try to start with something more memorable, like “I was so thrilled to open my mailbox and find the gift you sent! Simone will just love…” or “I am so profoundly grateful for all of your help lately…”

3. Keep It Short and Focused. If you want to write a letter, write a letter (and it’s perfectly acceptable to thank someone for something within a longer letter.) But don’t use a thank-you note to announce big news or update someone on the ins-and-outs of your life. That’s what letters and emails and phone calls and visits are for. Keep your thank-you sweet and to the point, because it’s not about you—unless you’re gushing about how much you love the mug they sent you.

4. Be Prompt. Yes, a late note is better than no note, but it’s best not to wait too long. Everybody knows someone who put off writing their wedding thank-yous for a few months and then realized it was three years later. Don’t be that person!

5. Be Genuine. The vast majority of your thank-you notes will be for things you truly appreciate. But when that’s not the case, don’t lie and say you loved something you didn’t. If your great-aunt is in the habit of sending you horrendous tchotchkes that go straight to Goodwill, just tell her how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness. (After all, you don’t want to encourage her to send more of those things, do you?)

For Extra Credit:

• Use pretty stamps. The post office usually has a nice selection.

• Seal the envelope with a cute sticker or, if you’re really fancy, a wax seal.

• Send along something extra. A photo of your kids (or yourself!) enjoying the gift is always a hit. If the recipient is a tea-lover, consider throwing in a wrapped tea bag. If you see a recipe in the newspaper that your mother-in-law would flip over, clip it and send it. For the reader, an adorable bookmark might be just the thing. Don’t send junk, of course!

Do you write thank-you notes? What are your tips for writing good ones?