Wear The Clothes That Scare You

If you’ve been living in t-shirts and jeans for longer than you can remember, wearing more daring styles can feel scary. Even wearing a nice blouse with an interesting pattern or saturated color for the first time can spark panic.

You might be so accustomed to blending into the background that you’re scared people will react poorly to you in your new clothes, asking you why you’re so dressed up, or “who do you think you are?”

You might be worried that everyone will give you funny looks or talk about you. You know you want to dress more authentically, but you’re not sure how to gain the confidence to actually do it.

I personally experienced this when I started wearing my season’s lipsticks (which were darker than what I had worn before), and to a greater extent, when I started dressing for my archetype. After living in the most basic Target tees with poorly-fitting jeans for years, putting on a half-circle skirt with a colorful blouse, a belt, earrings, and cute shoes felt BOLD. It was scary, and I experienced a heightened self-consciousness while adjusting to my new style.

But just as quickly as the panicked feeling came, it passed.

I began to feel more confident in my new clothes than I ever felt in my old clothes. My new clothes felt like ME, which made me feel safe. Who cares what anyone else thinks about them?

I've learned that other people rarely care about what we’re doing or wearing as much as we fear they do. The people close to you may notice changes in the way you dress and carry yourself, but over time, these changes will become normal.

Feel free to start small! If you’re not confident wearing the clothes that scare you to work, that’s okay. Wear them to the grocery store or coffeeshop instead. After you’ve conquered these low-stakes situations, wear them to your hair appointment. Wear them on a dinner date with your BFF who always hypes you up.

The more you wear the clothes that scare you, the more comfortable they’ll feel. It’s okay to fake it until you make it! The only way out is through.

Are You Shopping For Your Fantasy Life?

When it comes to purchasing clothes you love, an important question to ask yourself is whether you’re shopping for your fantasy self or your real self.

Your fantasy self might be 25 pounds lighter or have a different body shape than you do. Your fantasy self might have a different job, a different lifestyle, or live in a different part of the country.

Some people have closets full of clothes for other selves and other lives (maybe even lives they once lived). Others know that their fantasy wardrobe isn't realistic, so they default to leggings and t-shirts. Both are usually unhappy with their clothes.

An unrealistic wardrobe can be a clue to larger life dissatisfaction, like realizing you’d be happier if you looked for a new job in Arizona already. But more often, I think it’s a misunderstanding. Building a realistic wardrobe doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your dreams for your life in the future.

Building a realistic wardrobe simply means practicing acceptance of where you are in this moment. It means giving yourself permission to shine where you are, and to celebrate your body and your style as it is right now.

In practical terms, ask yourself what really speaks to you about your fantasy wardrobe. How can you adjust aspects of it to better suit your life? If you really wish you could spend your life in ball gowns (to give an extravagant example), then spend some time thinking about how to bring some ball gown sparkle into your workable wardrobe. What about a taffeta blouse? A pussycat bow? Chandelier earrings? A glitzy shoe?

In the grand scheme of life, wearing clothes you love is an easy way to infuse daily life with joy. Your clothes should be working for you, not against you.

The Magic and Ritual of Getting Dressed

“Vain trifles as they seem, clothes have more important offices than merely to keep us warm. They change our view of the world and the world’s view of us."

-Virginia Woolf

When you get dressed in the morning, do you push aside your favorite clothes and put on the clothes you like least?

I’ve totally done this - sometimes for weeks on end. It always makes me wonder: What exactly am I saving my nicer clothes for? Why in the world am I choosing to spend the majority of my time wearing my least favorite clothes?

When you wear clothes that you love, that you feel good in, that light you up - you are sending yourself the message that your day is worth that great outfit. You are worth that great outfit. You are worth that great outfit NOW, not on some mythical future day.

Last Wednesday I woke up with a serious case of the winter/pandemic blahs, to the point where I considered staying in bed all day. When I finally dragged myself out of bed, my first instinct was to wear my grubby clothes - like baggy sweatpants and a grey zip hoodie I usually wear for cleaning or walking my son to the bus stop.

I had to fight hard against that instinct and get dressed for real.

I put on a black dress with bell sleeves, which I had never worn because I was “saving” it! The dress made me feel like a modern Miss Minchin from A Little Princess (the 1995 version, otherwise known as the best version, but I digress). I put on burgundy tights and burgundy booties. I put on a pair of gold hammered hoops, a black and ivory porcelain pendant, and my wedding and engagement rings. I took six minutes to apply a simple face of makeup that made me look much more fresh-faced than I felt, complete with a little eyeliner and a matte lip pencil. I refreshed my hair with a little curling foam but kept it big and wild. By the time I was done, I was having fun.

And you know what? As I wore that outfit, I began to feel better. I began to feel as good as my outfit, which was pretty great (if I do say so myself.)

This simple act of wearing the nice clothing and accessories I already owned completely turned my day around. My husband and I took a daytime jaunt to the art supply store, and had an impromptu lunch with a friend at a little cafe. All day long I was happy I’d just gotten dressed, instead of doubling down on my bad day with my bad clothes.

Even as a professional stylist, it’s easy for me to forget that the act of getting dressed can be a powerful ritual. Getting dressed can be a downright magical act, with the power to transform not only your mood, but your actions and how other people approach you.

If this magical tool has been lost to you in the pandemic fog of 24/7 pajamas (and I’ll be honest, it certainly was for me), I invite you to wear your spiciest, most thrilling outfit tomorrow - the outfit you’ve been waiting for an occasion to wear. Because tomorrow is the occasion. YOU are the occasion.

I’ll be joining you.

Integrating the Practical and Emotional in Your Style

Working with me might not be what you expect.

Much of what I do is analytical. A color analysis, for example, yields concrete guidelines for the colors that suit you best and how to identify them. An image analysis yields clear guidelines for the clothing shapes, styles, and patterns that suit you best, and how to incorporate them into your wardrobe.

These services are the backbone of my work as a personal stylist, and for good reason. They’re the foundation everything else builds upon - but so much magic exists beyond them.

I have a wonderful, creative client who often asks my opinion about clothes she’s thinking of buying. She shows me outfits she’s put together, talks through her closet organization, and gets clarification on what her jewelry should look like. This is the practical stuff.

She also talks about how when she wears certain colors in client meetings, her clients respond to her more positively. They feel more at ease with what she’s communicating, and so does she. We talk about why that is, and how she can work with it in the future.

We talk about how her favorite colors evoke dusk and dawn, stars and sea. We talk about the strategic use of light and shimmer in her outfits, like light on water. We talk about the clothes that make her feel strong and true, and we talk about unique catchphrases she can use to capture the feeling of her ideal wardrobe when shopping.

My coaching work is very practical, because it needs to be. But it’s also holistic, artistic, and feelings-based. It doesn’t matter how wonderful you look in that emerald green duster or how perfect it is for your season and archetype if you’re never going to wear it in real life, either because your lifestyle doesn’t call for it or because you just aren’t comfortable.

Your height, your shape, your coloring: these are all important facets of personal style and getting dressed. I believe that we’ll always get farther embracing our natural physical qualities than dressing to disguise them. But your lifestyle, your personality, your irrational hatred of chevrons…these details matter just as much.

Integrating these elements is where I’ve found many women to face the most difficulty in developing their personal style. Luckily, this is where I truly flourish as a stylist.

If you'd like to explore working with me, you can schedule a free Discovery Call here.